The land of IF is full of emotional roller coaster rides. And I HATE it! Let me repeat that loud enough for all to hear...I HATE IT!
We went to see our new Reproductive Endocrinologist last Thursday and we loved him. Yes, Cinci is a bit of a drive but the Dr. & his staff were so nice and understanding that it made the drive worth while. At our visit, during the ultrasound, Dr. H quickly said, " Hmmm...it seems there is something here, but it's too soon to tell." Something? What? What is it? A Baby? Is it another fibroid? Oh please don't be another fibroid. I don't want to go through that surgery again. Yeah, those were all the things I either said out loud or in my head. To the things I said out loud, I got the response, "Let's just wait it out, it's too soon to tell. But if you do end up Pregnant, just keep up whatever it is you did on the car ride up here today." Eric looks at me, I look at him and we read it in each other's eyes..."Are we?" "Could it be?" I have to admit, I felt a little like Jim Carey in Dumb & Dumber..."So you are saying there's a chance!" LOL! But only time would tell.
Do you know me? If you do, then you know I am as impatient as they come. I don't like being told, "There is something, but we have to wait & see if it's really anything all at." but not telling me what the something may be. So day 28 came and went and nothing. Test: NEGATIVE! Day 29-33 the same, but at this point nausea was present. Day 34 comes...my orders say, if nothing by day 34 call the office! So of course in my head I'm thinking that this month is our lucky month. Before I have a chance to call the Dr., it begins. As it begins, so do the tears, heartache and everything else that comes along with this crazy roller coaster ride that I am on. Have I mentioned how much I hate this ride? Do you want me to yell it for all to hear again?
So, now the real roller coaster ride begins. It appears that up until this point we have only been on the kiddie roller coaster, but now we are about to step on the one with upside down loopies, twists & turns. Dr. appointments every 3 days. Blood drawn every 7 days. Ultrasounds, medicine, trips to Cinci, the ups, the downs...it all begins. "I can't do this", I scream looking up to the Heaven's as I am driving home from work. "I can't go through this heartache anymore! Why are YOU doing this to me? What did I ever do to deserve this?" Yeah, I blamed God a little yesterday. Okay, okay...I blamed him ALOT!
I sat in my car (in my driveway) & cried & cried & cried. I blamed God for probably a good 15-20 minutes for what I was going through. Finally I got tired of the blaming game and just blurted out..."If I am not meant to have children, if it's not in your plan for me, then take the desire away. Take it away! Take it away right now!!! Make me not want children! Make me not go "awww, I can't wait til I have one" everytime I see a Baby! Make me not be envious of every single pregnant woman I come in contact with! Make me not get all sad & weepy every time I pass the Baby section at Target, Walmart, etc.. Take all these feelings away! Take all of these feelings away right now! I mean it! I'm tired of feeling this way! I MEAN IT!" Wow, I sure have some nerve talking to God that way, don't I?
In my Spirit I could here him saying, "But Luci...." but I was too stubborn, too shaken, too heartbroken to listen. I wasn't in the mood to hear, "It's just not the right time. It's going to happen SOMEDAY, just not today." I wasn't in the mood. If I had stopped to listen, I probably would have not so nicely shouted, "So, you are saying it WAS time for the Mom who threw her Baby in the dumpster behind White Castle in Shelbyville? It WAS time for the Mom who decided she is too young so she is sitting in the abortion clinic right now? How is that possible? I just don't understand!!!" Have you ever been there? Have you ever been to the point of not wanting to hear something? I am sure we all have been to that point with someone or another in our lives.
Later on in the evening, I began to feel bad for my *not so nice* convo with God. I know deep in my heart that he would never lay more on me that I can carry. But I think he has far more faith in me than I have in myself. I fear that I am not strong enough to carry this load and I can't shake the question...Why was I the one chosen to carry this load? My faith is shaken...it's what infertility does to you!
I woke up this morning fully believing that my want for children was going to be gone. Afterall, it's what I asked. "If I am not meant to have children, if it's not in your plan for me, then take the desire away." Nope...it was still there! Is this God's answer? Is he telling me to just hold on...my time is coming? Is this his way of confirming with me that I AM meant to have children? I have a gut feeling that I'm about to be taken in my Heavenly Fathers arms and receive peace & strength for the road we are going to have to travel these next few months. I also have a feeling that when this road comes to an end, it will be more than 2 of us coming out on the other side!
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Tough Decisions...
Basically my Dr. (whom I LOVE) has told me she has done all she can do. Heartbreaking! I know she is just a regular OBGYN and she has gone over and above to help us reach our goal...to get pregnant. She came from the Bethesda Clinic in Cincinnati which is a well known clinic around the world. So she had some background to perform some procedures. But as stated above, she has done all she can do!
She referred us to the Bethesda Clinic in Cinci (obviously) because that is where she is familiar and she knows for a fact how they take care of their patients. I am a person who likes to know my Dr.'s and likes for my Dr.'s to know me. I call my family Dr., Dr. Mike instead of his last name because we have that type of Dr./Patient relationship. He knows my Parents, my Brother, my Grandparents. He knows where we all work, what we do in our spare time and we talk about all of those things at appointments and I love that! Dr. Nusz is the same way. I call her office and laugh & cut up with her nurse Diana and thoroughly enjoy (well as much as you can...I guess my point is I don't HATE going.) going to the Dr when I have to go. I need to have that same relationship with a reproductive endocrinologist as well.
All of that being said leads me to the title of today's blog. Dr. Nusz referred us to Bethesda but us being a bit lazy and not wanting to travel made us decide on a clinic in Louisville. We had a bad experience at one of the Louisville locations when we used them for part of a treatment that Dr. Nusz performed in her office, so we obviously weren't choosing that practice. We chose the practice closest to us and just assumed that it would be okay. I made the appointment, filled out the paperwork and we were well on our way.
To get off topic for a moment, I am going to have to explain how this "Tough Decision" came about. I have a FB friend that I haven't seen since her wedding a few years after we graduated from high school. She & I were very close, but as most high school friends do; we drifted apart. Thanks to FB we reconnected but still haven't spoke much to one another. She recently commented on a FB status of mine which led me to invite her to a Bible Study. When I called her to give her info about the Bible Study we began to talk about this road thru land of IF that I have been traveling.
God works in mysterious ways my Friends...You see she has been down this road. She has felt the ups and dealt with the many, many, many downs. I told her of our appointment with the new Dr. She had seen this Dr. and was not pleased with the way people were treated more as "just another patient" instead of like a real person. *Go up 3 paragraphs and read what I am looking for in a reproductive endocrinologist.* Now, she did not know this, had no idea what I was looking for. I felt it was a word from the Lord letting me know that we had made the wrong decision. She went on & on telling me this and that about this Dr. & their facility and the more she talked the more I knew that it just wasn't right.
Then she went on to talk about this wonderful place where she went that she felt so at home, so comfortable. It just so happen to be the Bethesda Clinic. Wow...I guess I should have listened to Dr. Nusz all along huh? :)
We talked and talked and talked...just as if the last time we saw each other and talked was yesterday. When I got home I did some research and saw where the Dr. we had initially chosen was dead last in the area for success rates. This was the final thing I needed to see to make my decision. Finally the thing I had been fretting over so long *which Dr. to see* seemed so easy to me.
I am so thankful for the way God moves. He saw fit to move me to ask a Friend I hadn't seen since the late 90's to go to a Bible study with me. He also saw fit to have her open up and share a time in her life that was very hard on her both physically & emotionally! So very thankful for the way God works in our life. He could have just as easily spoke to me and told me himself, but he chose to bring back an old Friend into my life.
She referred us to the Bethesda Clinic in Cinci (obviously) because that is where she is familiar and she knows for a fact how they take care of their patients. I am a person who likes to know my Dr.'s and likes for my Dr.'s to know me. I call my family Dr., Dr. Mike instead of his last name because we have that type of Dr./Patient relationship. He knows my Parents, my Brother, my Grandparents. He knows where we all work, what we do in our spare time and we talk about all of those things at appointments and I love that! Dr. Nusz is the same way. I call her office and laugh & cut up with her nurse Diana and thoroughly enjoy (well as much as you can...I guess my point is I don't HATE going.) going to the Dr when I have to go. I need to have that same relationship with a reproductive endocrinologist as well.
All of that being said leads me to the title of today's blog. Dr. Nusz referred us to Bethesda but us being a bit lazy and not wanting to travel made us decide on a clinic in Louisville. We had a bad experience at one of the Louisville locations when we used them for part of a treatment that Dr. Nusz performed in her office, so we obviously weren't choosing that practice. We chose the practice closest to us and just assumed that it would be okay. I made the appointment, filled out the paperwork and we were well on our way.
To get off topic for a moment, I am going to have to explain how this "Tough Decision" came about. I have a FB friend that I haven't seen since her wedding a few years after we graduated from high school. She & I were very close, but as most high school friends do; we drifted apart. Thanks to FB we reconnected but still haven't spoke much to one another. She recently commented on a FB status of mine which led me to invite her to a Bible Study. When I called her to give her info about the Bible Study we began to talk about this road thru land of IF that I have been traveling.
God works in mysterious ways my Friends...You see she has been down this road. She has felt the ups and dealt with the many, many, many downs. I told her of our appointment with the new Dr. She had seen this Dr. and was not pleased with the way people were treated more as "just another patient" instead of like a real person. *Go up 3 paragraphs and read what I am looking for in a reproductive endocrinologist.* Now, she did not know this, had no idea what I was looking for. I felt it was a word from the Lord letting me know that we had made the wrong decision. She went on & on telling me this and that about this Dr. & their facility and the more she talked the more I knew that it just wasn't right.
Then she went on to talk about this wonderful place where she went that she felt so at home, so comfortable. It just so happen to be the Bethesda Clinic. Wow...I guess I should have listened to Dr. Nusz all along huh? :)
We talked and talked and talked...just as if the last time we saw each other and talked was yesterday. When I got home I did some research and saw where the Dr. we had initially chosen was dead last in the area for success rates. This was the final thing I needed to see to make my decision. Finally the thing I had been fretting over so long *which Dr. to see* seemed so easy to me.
I am so thankful for the way God moves. He saw fit to move me to ask a Friend I hadn't seen since the late 90's to go to a Bible study with me. He also saw fit to have her open up and share a time in her life that was very hard on her both physically & emotionally! So very thankful for the way God works in our life. He could have just as easily spoke to me and told me himself, but he chose to bring back an old Friend into my life.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Disappointment...
6 days late. I'm NEVER late, so this must mean something right?
Let's start from the beginning...I injured my foot and went to the Dr. to have it seen about. I didn't really think of anything until my Dr. said, "I need to send you to x-ray, but need to ask you a few questions first. Are you pregnant?" "No, we can't seem to have children. My last period was....Wait, I can't go to x-ray, I'm late, 6 days as a matter of fact!" My Dr. thought it over and sent me on to x-ray anyways, since it was my foot and if I was pregnant, it shouldn't harm the fetus (if there was one). By the way, I was probably the only person sitting in Baptist Health care waiting room with a GIGANTIC smile on my face that day! :)
Let's understand this...normally I would be counting down the days of my cycle. But this particular month was a month in which we had promised each other that we wouldn't think about anything. I put my journal, calendar, etc. away and just had a month of peace. Being without all those things made me just lose all track of time when it came to my cycle!
On the way back to work from seeing Dr. Mike, I stopped at CVS for another supply of HPT's. When you are trying to get pregnant, you buy HPT's like you buy milk, bread, other essentials. (BTW, I pretty much HATE HPT's!) I take one, and to my surprise a very FAINT positive sign. Let me stress FAINT! But hey, this is as far as we have gotten before...I knew this had to be it! I called my Dr., she asked me to come in right away for blood work.
That night, you couldn't wipe the smile off my face. I was happy, excited, overjoyed. relieved! :) Eric, who has kept from showing his sadness over the whole "We can't have children issue", was happy, excited, overjoyed & relieved. We both felt that this was it, and it was finally OUR time!
This morning seemed to drag on and on as I awaited my Dr. to call me. Finally the phone rang. For a second there was just dead air, then I heard her voice..."Luci, your blood work came back. There was no sign of pregnancy. I guess you were just one of the unlucky ones who occasionally get a false positive on a HPT." The dreaded words once again. Still optimistic I said, "but Dr. Nusz, the results must be wrong. I am certain this is it." To which I received, "Luci, blood tests are hardly ever misleading. There are just no levels of pregnancy hormones in your system."
I hung up the phone, shut my office door and cried like a Baby! Got up enough courage to call my Husband and tell him the bad news. He took it like a champ! (As always!!!) No sooner did I hang up from my Husband, I called the fertility clinic. (up until now we have only seen my GYN who used to work at the Cincy fertility clinic) This is a call that has been needed to be made for many, many months but something I always choose to put off. No more waiting, no more trying this on our own. From this moment forward, we will do all that we can to become pregnant...NO HOLDING BACK! No cost, no pain, nothing will be spared. My poor Husband...in the past when I've been on fertility meds, I've been a complete psychopath. Seriously! I hate he is having to go through this with hormonal me!
So now as I sit and write this, I see the huge bruise on my arm which is a result of my blood test and I think of what might have been......
Let's start from the beginning...I injured my foot and went to the Dr. to have it seen about. I didn't really think of anything until my Dr. said, "I need to send you to x-ray, but need to ask you a few questions first. Are you pregnant?" "No, we can't seem to have children. My last period was....Wait, I can't go to x-ray, I'm late, 6 days as a matter of fact!" My Dr. thought it over and sent me on to x-ray anyways, since it was my foot and if I was pregnant, it shouldn't harm the fetus (if there was one). By the way, I was probably the only person sitting in Baptist Health care waiting room with a GIGANTIC smile on my face that day! :)
Let's understand this...normally I would be counting down the days of my cycle. But this particular month was a month in which we had promised each other that we wouldn't think about anything. I put my journal, calendar, etc. away and just had a month of peace. Being without all those things made me just lose all track of time when it came to my cycle!
On the way back to work from seeing Dr. Mike, I stopped at CVS for another supply of HPT's. When you are trying to get pregnant, you buy HPT's like you buy milk, bread, other essentials. (BTW, I pretty much HATE HPT's!) I take one, and to my surprise a very FAINT positive sign. Let me stress FAINT! But hey, this is as far as we have gotten before...I knew this had to be it! I called my Dr., she asked me to come in right away for blood work.
That night, you couldn't wipe the smile off my face. I was happy, excited, overjoyed. relieved! :) Eric, who has kept from showing his sadness over the whole "We can't have children issue", was happy, excited, overjoyed & relieved. We both felt that this was it, and it was finally OUR time!
This morning seemed to drag on and on as I awaited my Dr. to call me. Finally the phone rang. For a second there was just dead air, then I heard her voice..."Luci, your blood work came back. There was no sign of pregnancy. I guess you were just one of the unlucky ones who occasionally get a false positive on a HPT." The dreaded words once again. Still optimistic I said, "but Dr. Nusz, the results must be wrong. I am certain this is it." To which I received, "Luci, blood tests are hardly ever misleading. There are just no levels of pregnancy hormones in your system."
I hung up the phone, shut my office door and cried like a Baby! Got up enough courage to call my Husband and tell him the bad news. He took it like a champ! (As always!!!) No sooner did I hang up from my Husband, I called the fertility clinic. (up until now we have only seen my GYN who used to work at the Cincy fertility clinic) This is a call that has been needed to be made for many, many months but something I always choose to put off. No more waiting, no more trying this on our own. From this moment forward, we will do all that we can to become pregnant...NO HOLDING BACK! No cost, no pain, nothing will be spared. My poor Husband...in the past when I've been on fertility meds, I've been a complete psychopath. Seriously! I hate he is having to go through this with hormonal me!
So now as I sit and write this, I see the huge bruise on my arm which is a result of my blood test and I think of what might have been......
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
The great step into the unknown...
We've all been there...at the place where we have no clue which way to turn. We are at the point where we are standing at the top of the staircase and it's time to take the 1st step, but we can't see the stairs. What are we to do other than close our eyes and make that step of faith?
I just made an appointment for our 1st meeting to discuss adoption. Adoption is something Eric has always been open to, but me...Well, I'll just be honest, I want a child of my own! Sounds a bit selfish doesn't it? Yeah, I know, it sounds more than a bit selfish...it sounds really selfish! I'm the type of person that I want to spend whatever amount of money it takes to carry a child of my own. But I know my Husband is being rational when he says to me, "But adoption is so much more likely to happen than in-vitro working. Wouldn't you rather pay $15,000 towards adopting a child and knowing you are going to walk away with a child?" I know in my mind he is right, but my heart...my heart wants more. I want to feel my Baby's 1st moves, my Baby's 1st kicks, to see my Baby moving around as they perform the Ultrasounds. Okay, so now all of Blog world knows just how selfish Luci Jameson really is!
Anyways, back to the Adoption seminar. I just signed us up for our 1st ever seminar where we will openly go and talk about adopting a child. Part of me is scared, part of me is happy, part of me is sad. But I know in my heart, this is the avenue in which we must travel if we ever want to share our life with a precious child.
Pray for us...pray God sends us our Baby! :)
I just made an appointment for our 1st meeting to discuss adoption. Adoption is something Eric has always been open to, but me...Well, I'll just be honest, I want a child of my own! Sounds a bit selfish doesn't it? Yeah, I know, it sounds more than a bit selfish...it sounds really selfish! I'm the type of person that I want to spend whatever amount of money it takes to carry a child of my own. But I know my Husband is being rational when he says to me, "But adoption is so much more likely to happen than in-vitro working. Wouldn't you rather pay $15,000 towards adopting a child and knowing you are going to walk away with a child?" I know in my mind he is right, but my heart...my heart wants more. I want to feel my Baby's 1st moves, my Baby's 1st kicks, to see my Baby moving around as they perform the Ultrasounds. Okay, so now all of Blog world knows just how selfish Luci Jameson really is!
Anyways, back to the Adoption seminar. I just signed us up for our 1st ever seminar where we will openly go and talk about adopting a child. Part of me is scared, part of me is happy, part of me is sad. But I know in my heart, this is the avenue in which we must travel if we ever want to share our life with a precious child.
Pray for us...pray God sends us our Baby! :)
Monday, August 22, 2011
What? I'm blogging within a week of my last blog?
Yeah, the title pretty much says it all. :) I said I was going to try this, and try I shall!
Within the last 3 weeks, I have taken up running aka: jogging. (Let's face it; running sounds a bit more athletic.) :) At first, I couldn't jog from my porch to the road, and after a mile of a jog/walk combo I thought I may die. 3 weeks into it; I am jog/walking 3-5 miles daily with at least 1/2 of that distance at a jog/run. I'm not one to take pride in myself, but that my Friends makes me proud!
I haven't seen a difference on the scale which is a bit disappointing (you see, Fertility drugs causes your body to do some crazy things and weight gain is one of them.), but that isn't going to make me give up my new found love. Okay, so love may be too strong of word there...let's just go with new found LIKE!
In my last post I mentioned remodeling our kitchen. Over the weekend, we went and picked out a new cabinent stain color, new tile floor, new counter tops & new paint. Next on our list; a new stainless/black refrigerator & stove. Oh, and did I fail to mention that Eric & my Dad are determined to tear down the wall that seperates the kitchen from the living room? I have mixed emotions on this one, but I am sure the finished product will look wonderful!
Within the last 3 weeks, I have taken up running aka: jogging. (Let's face it; running sounds a bit more athletic.) :) At first, I couldn't jog from my porch to the road, and after a mile of a jog/walk combo I thought I may die. 3 weeks into it; I am jog/walking 3-5 miles daily with at least 1/2 of that distance at a jog/run. I'm not one to take pride in myself, but that my Friends makes me proud!
I haven't seen a difference on the scale which is a bit disappointing (you see, Fertility drugs causes your body to do some crazy things and weight gain is one of them.), but that isn't going to make me give up my new found love. Okay, so love may be too strong of word there...let's just go with new found LIKE!
In my last post I mentioned remodeling our kitchen. Over the weekend, we went and picked out a new cabinent stain color, new tile floor, new counter tops & new paint. Next on our list; a new stainless/black refrigerator & stove. Oh, and did I fail to mention that Eric & my Dad are determined to tear down the wall that seperates the kitchen from the living room? I have mixed emotions on this one, but I am sure the finished product will look wonderful!
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Blogger...I'm not
Apparently blogging is all the craze right now. I "tried" to be a blogger a few years ago. I set out to blog about my life if not daily, then weekly, and if not weekly then *at least* monthly. In looking at the 4-5 blogs I've posted since 2008 one would either think I lived a VERY dull life or I'm just not that great of a blogger.
Lots have been going on in our life since my last blog. I've left Humana & went back into the golf business. We have cut down our orchard (with the exception of 1 apple tree & the *delicious* pear apple tree) because let's face it; I'm not Susie Homemaker and I don't freeze, can or make anything with the fruit that we were growing. We added Princess Coco (a black & white border collie) to our family because we are coo coo for Coco Pups. *Corny joke my Hubs likes to tell. :) We are getting ready to do extreme home makeover on our kitchen. (Not a process I am excited about, but it is *MUCH* needed!) And we are desperately wanting a child.
Wanting children was not something I was wanting to blog about, but it has consumed our life over the last 2.5 years so it seems it is blog worthy. We were at first diagnosed with "unexpained infertility" then my Dr. found massive amounts of "Endometreosis" which is what my diagnosis is at this time. We've tried everything in the book to have a child, but it just doesn't seem to be in God's timing for our lives just yet.
God's timing is something I have dealt with through this whole infertility ordeal. I am used to life as we know it, you want something bad enough you get it, with no expenses spared. Am I right? Surely I am not the only person who does whatever they have to do to get what they want??
When I struggle with God's timing, I often find myself asking him question after question. I constantly find myself saying things like, "I don’t understand, God. I have prayed and prayed, and nothing has changed. I believe my prayers are within the scope of Your will . . . I’m not asking for anything amiss. What’s wrong, God?"
Then I think of Zacharias and Elizabeth, the father and mother of John the Baptist and how they prayed for a child. They didn’t have John until very late in life. In fact, they had reached the age at which having children was highly improbable, if not impossible: “I am an old man, and my wife is advanced in years” (Luke 1: 18). Then, one day, while Zacharias was in the Temple, the angel Gabriel came to him and said, “Zacharias, your prayer has been heard.”
Do you suppose Zacharias had been praying recently for a child? Do you think he was still entreating the Lord for a son? Maybe just yesterday in his prayers he had said, “O, Lord! Elizabeth and I are so very lonely. How we yearn to have a child. Please, Lord, bless our union and send us a baby. . . .”
I don’t think so. I really don’t think he had prayed that way for a long, long time. He had given up all hope that he would ever hear the pitter patter of little feet around the house, for he was an “old man” and his wife was “advanced in years.”
I imagine Zacharias saying, “Uh . . . what prayer is it that you have reference to, Gabriel?”
“The one you prayed years ago, Zacharias. Remember? You asked God for a son. You see, the fullness of time has now come, and the Lord is going to give you the desire of your heart — a son, Zacharias, a son!”
* * *
In the fullness of time. When is that, Lord? I don’t really have any way of knowing, do I? Zacharias and Elizabeth had some lonely years . . . until the fullness of time when everything was ready . . . and then You fulfilled their prayer.
God has an “appointed time” when every minute detail will be finished for you and for me. When that times comes, the prayer will be answered.
***
I recently saw this poem and thought it was fitting to include it in this blog...
It may not be tomorrow, and yet it may
Lots have been going on in our life since my last blog. I've left Humana & went back into the golf business. We have cut down our orchard (with the exception of 1 apple tree & the *delicious* pear apple tree) because let's face it; I'm not Susie Homemaker and I don't freeze, can or make anything with the fruit that we were growing. We added Princess Coco (a black & white border collie) to our family because we are coo coo for Coco Pups. *Corny joke my Hubs likes to tell. :) We are getting ready to do extreme home makeover on our kitchen. (Not a process I am excited about, but it is *MUCH* needed!) And we are desperately wanting a child.
Wanting children was not something I was wanting to blog about, but it has consumed our life over the last 2.5 years so it seems it is blog worthy. We were at first diagnosed with "unexpained infertility" then my Dr. found massive amounts of "Endometreosis" which is what my diagnosis is at this time. We've tried everything in the book to have a child, but it just doesn't seem to be in God's timing for our lives just yet.
God's timing is something I have dealt with through this whole infertility ordeal. I am used to life as we know it, you want something bad enough you get it, with no expenses spared. Am I right? Surely I am not the only person who does whatever they have to do to get what they want??
When I struggle with God's timing, I often find myself asking him question after question. I constantly find myself saying things like, "I don’t understand, God. I have prayed and prayed, and nothing has changed. I believe my prayers are within the scope of Your will . . . I’m not asking for anything amiss. What’s wrong, God?"
Then I think of Zacharias and Elizabeth, the father and mother of John the Baptist and how they prayed for a child. They didn’t have John until very late in life. In fact, they had reached the age at which having children was highly improbable, if not impossible: “I am an old man, and my wife is advanced in years” (Luke 1: 18). Then, one day, while Zacharias was in the Temple, the angel Gabriel came to him and said, “Zacharias, your prayer has been heard.”
Do you suppose Zacharias had been praying recently for a child? Do you think he was still entreating the Lord for a son? Maybe just yesterday in his prayers he had said, “O, Lord! Elizabeth and I are so very lonely. How we yearn to have a child. Please, Lord, bless our union and send us a baby. . . .”
I don’t think so. I really don’t think he had prayed that way for a long, long time. He had given up all hope that he would ever hear the pitter patter of little feet around the house, for he was an “old man” and his wife was “advanced in years.”
I imagine Zacharias saying, “Uh . . . what prayer is it that you have reference to, Gabriel?”
“The one you prayed years ago, Zacharias. Remember? You asked God for a son. You see, the fullness of time has now come, and the Lord is going to give you the desire of your heart — a son, Zacharias, a son!”
* * *
In the fullness of time. When is that, Lord? I don’t really have any way of knowing, do I? Zacharias and Elizabeth had some lonely years . . . until the fullness of time when everything was ready . . . and then You fulfilled their prayer.
God has an “appointed time” when every minute detail will be finished for you and for me. When that times comes, the prayer will be answered.
***
I recently saw this poem and thought it was fitting to include it in this blog...
It may not be tomorrow, and yet it may
It will happen on Gods set day.
The burden will be lifted, The lost one will be won
The trial will be over, The long task will be done.
We cannot know the hour, but we will trust Him as we wait,f
or He knows just what must come to pass, He will not be a moment late!
So praise Him in the trial, give thanks for the task
rejoice and be obedient, He knows what you have asked.
It may not be tomorrow, and yet it may
It will happen on God’s set day.
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